Wednesday, December 3, 2008

final destination..

Never thought I would believe about second life...Not before I am in to the accident. Before, there were no 2nd life, 3rd and so fort. I don't believe in those, only one life God had given. How I am taking care of my life after, well I am now always worried and so much careful. I am a freelancer, adventurous and a risk taker, that was BEFORE. Now I am afraid, I wanted to always take care. I’m not afraid of dying, I knew it will come if it is really your time but I am now afraid of risk. As much as possible I wanted to move freely but safe not unlike before. I’m CARELESS!! ..Learned now to value the most precious gift. I’ve been in so many places, risky and life threatening activities, dangerous stuffs, but not yet suffered to any injury or met a dangerous scenario which is really a matter of life and death. I told to my mom I am not supposed to change for the better. That maybe the Creator isn't yet ready to accept me. That was the thought enters in my mind an hour after the accident. Wherein I am planning a good mass with huny, then it happened. My intention was good but a big WHY fuzzes me. But just as I was wrong as honey told me. We were now a newborn Christian whom entitled to do MORE beautiful things than before. I always believe that everything happens for a reason, I don't want to ask why to Him or condemned/blame Him, as I attended the mass at Immaculate Mother of God Church, I whisper thank you to Him, though I still didn't know why it happen I know in myself I will find it eventually. I don't have to ask for answers I have a strong faith in his genius mind... Am trying to cope up, lessen my paranoia, try to back as before but I can't... I always worry. For what reason still a puzzle. I know I'm changing but I didn't know if it’s for the better or worst... I'm I a middle of confusion how to act or think positively. I am also aware that I am developing another personality disorder due to post accident trauma. I’d still believe I am tough and I can proceed and win this triumph!Good luck kHa!

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