Holidays are Holidays?..

i know it should not be the right time to post something like what i am going to but this is what i feel, that's why i have my blog...i know it's mean to say i don't like Christmas.. But stress and pressure and conflicts arising at this season make me feel this thing..How many people and children waited for this season, why i didn't feel the same as well..it's even better on ordinary days... this will be the last Christmas I will felt like this... I swear... either i celebrate for this season or just let it pass just as a day..These season..not only Christmas but the whole season.. last night i am thinking hilariously,cause i am badly hurt..all fed up of everything.. i almost think of quiting..most common thing was suicide..my room was so dark, it tempts me a lot.. i am in deeply depression..if ever everything ill be needing on what supposed to what i want is complete inside my room... but such i can say i am a good person, i even think of the others..my what if's... if only i am concern for myself alone i already did..but i am not.. i am mad at myself being not that selfish. to think to what i wanted..