Tuesday, April 19, 2016

Handling Frustrations and Maturity comes with Experiences

It's true that as you go older , handling frustrations and maturity is never easy but due to experiences it was not that difficult to deal with those. Where in times that you wanted to spank, nor shout or react yet you chose to calm down, deep breath and say to yourself this is is just a bad day or that person maybe going into something that you didn't know. Maybe difficult than what you were going through or maybe you are blessed than that person. Being straightforward as an attitude will only comes into place if and if only you almost tried all your diffusing techniques you can for your own emotions but still unable to win against your wit to express. Not talking back not means being a coward but instead in a matter of better addressing more (in my opinion) maturely its valuing yourself. And or the other person at least.
It has been written here a lot of times that I changed a lot. Day 1 that I met my husband. Day 1 that I become a mother. Day 1 that I lost my brother. Those life experiences made me change a lot as a person. One thing I know not yet changing to me, it's writing down my thoughts, frustrations and things that offended me. Whether it's small little issues or big enough to attack such person. I am still writing it down. And I still have the same principle, that if its just me that will be affected, I can bear it but not with my love ones. Writing this down as my easy post while in the van going home makes me feel I am okay. Need not to bring the bad feeling at home. Reading and be reminded about courageous Catie serves as my guide to my journey to earthy life. Thank you angel Catie.

Sent from my iPhone

Saturday, April 9, 2016

Jesus Loves Me

Photo grabbed from Courageous Catie Facebook account

My title was not actually from me. This was from the bravest little girl whom I never met yet impacted my life a huge. I may not seem to be religious nor may obviously reflect God on my doings but I believe to myself that I have a strong faith. I know it wasn't enough just to say that "I have faith". But, incorporating it to my life, daily habits and practice is necessary to show how strong it is.

This blog has been my diary since a decade. I share my thoughts, frustrations , achievements and sadness. This has been left abandoned quite a while when I felt that I cannot make any better to share good thoughts but purely frustrations , anger and negativity. And for all those time I felt shame to myself then I got to know about #courageouscatie . Like as well as to others,she seemed to be an angel to me in a timely manner that makes me realize how lucky I am and I should be grateful as always.

My brother who died of a motorcycle accident

Since 2014 I always told to myself that I was never been okay. Since my brother died, then my mom got sickly, my son had a Hirchsprungs then my eldest daughter got sick followed by my husband as well. And the situation go round and round repeatedly until today. Some has a period, such as the death in the family. But the unstable health condition still continues specially to mom and my kids. I Am financially challenge, physically exhausted and emotionally battered . In time that I get used to heard about this little girl.

My daughter and my mom

Sometime in March this year, mom got hospitalized with enlargement of the heart to consider pleural effusion, got no one to look after the kids, husband and I have to go to work to financially sustain the family. The business just had bankruptcy. When my boss posted a tribute to her posting a yakult bottle. Then I started to stalked jayjay's Instagram and the Facebook page. Each day that I checked whenever I have time , I always cried. From day 1 of being hospitalized until it gets severed then to finally have a diagnosis and up until today. I wasn't with her during her battle but I can feel the pain and how courageous she was.  And I admire her for that courage and wearing a brave clean heart. I admire her parents for raising her that way. And I admire Jesus the most for having created Catie and let the world knew about her in his ways.
I may not be able to write Feliz and Jayjay or show up in Catie's wedding day but in my heart I am so much thankful to the Lucas family for being an inspiration, giving me an ounce of courage and dozen reasons letting me aware how Jesus prepared me to this earthy life and given me a wonderful people in my life. Now, part of our bed time stories and Facebook browsing is the story of Catie that I am sharing to my kids.


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