I am badly not feeling good not physically though but I was hit bulls eye! A lot of worries and other stuff that bothers me. I don't know how to express all these. How I wish I can still be the old me. Easily I can make things easier. I almost emptied all my beliefs, my perceptions to make myself calm and relax. To make myself believe! A lot of things, ideas bumps my currently unorganized thoughts. Mis leaded visions. Arggg! I know I can survive this! I know and I must! Now I understand.. Now I know.. I wanted to see the other side. But no matter what side I look into it, it answers me "bother", "hesitation" and "stop". This will just took a week, by the party started I am over and back to the organized Kha! I hope so!