Handling Frustrations and Maturity comes with Experiences

It's true that as you go older , handling frustrations and maturity is never easy but due to experiences it was not that difficult to deal with those. Where in times that you wanted to spank, nor shout or react yet you chose to calm down, deep breath and say to yourself this is is just a bad day or that person maybe going into something that you didn't know. Maybe difficult than what you were going through or maybe you are blessed than that person. Being straightforward as an attitude will only comes into place if and if only you almost tried all your diffusing techniques you can for your own emotions but still unable to win against your wit to express. Not talking back not means being a coward but instead in a matter of better addressing more (in my opinion) maturely its valuing yourself. And or the other person at least.
It has been written here a lot of times that I changed a lot. Day 1 that I met my husband. Day 1 that I become a mother. Day 1 that I lost my brother. Those life experiences made me change a lot as a person. One thing I know not yet changing to me, it's writing down my thoughts, frustrations and things that offended me. Whether it's small little issues or big enough to attack such person. I am still writing it down. And I still have the same principle, that if its just me that will be affected, I can bear it but not with my love ones. Writing this down as my easy post while in the van going home makes me feel I am okay. Need not to bring the bad feeling at home. Reading and be reminded about courageous Catie serves as my guide to my journey to earthy life. Thank you angel Catie.


Sent from my iPhone

Jesus Loves Me

Photo grabbed from Courageous Catie Facebook account

My title was not actually from me. This was from the bravest little girl whom I never met yet impacted my life a huge. I may not seem to be religious nor may obviously reflect God on my doings but I believe to myself that I have a strong faith. I know it wasn't enough just to say that "I have faith". But, incorporating it to my life, daily habits and practice is necessary to show how strong it is.

This blog has been my diary since a decade. I share my thoughts, frustrations , achievements and sadness. This has been left abandoned quite a while when I felt that I cannot make any better to share good thoughts but purely frustrations , anger and negativity. And for all those time I felt shame to myself then I got to know about #courageouscatie . Like as well as to others,she seemed to be an angel to me in a timely manner that makes me realize how lucky I am and I should be grateful as always.




My brother who died of a motorcycle accident

Since 2014 I always told to myself that I was never been okay. Since my brother died, then my mom got sickly, my son had a Hirchsprungs then my eldest daughter got sick followed by my husband as well. And the situation go round and round repeatedly until today. Some has a period, such as the death in the family. But the unstable health condition still continues specially to mom and my kids. I Am financially challenge, physically exhausted and emotionally battered . In time that I get used to heard about this little girl.

My daughter and my mom

Sometime in March this year, mom got hospitalized with enlargement of the heart to consider pleural effusion, got no one to look after the kids, husband and I have to go to work to financially sustain the family. The business just had bankruptcy. When my boss posted a tribute to her posting a yakult bottle. Then I started to stalked jayjay's Instagram and the Facebook page. Each day that I checked whenever I have time , I always cried. From day 1 of being hospitalized until it gets severed then to finally have a diagnosis and up until today. I wasn't with her during her battle but I can feel the pain and how courageous she was.  And I admire her for that courage and wearing a brave clean heart. I admire her parents for raising her that way. And I admire Jesus the most for having created Catie and let the world knew about her in his ways.
I may not be able to write Feliz and Jayjay or show up in Catie's wedding day but in my heart I am so much thankful to the Lucas family for being an inspiration, giving me an ounce of courage and dozen reasons letting me aware how Jesus prepared me to this earthy life and given me a wonderful people in my life. Now, part of our bed time stories and Facebook browsing is the story of Catie that I am sharing to my kids.

Diary Again

I feel so down this has been the longest but I know I am able to manage it. I always think that there were others suffering worst than what I can think of. I don't feel comfortable writing the reasons behind but letting me typed in the feeling, made me feel somehow better with the back ground music of Slapshock, Quezo, Wolfgand, Urbandub and other local rock band. Suits my ear and my feelings. I don't know why I feel so comforted with these kind of genre. But the thing about listening to it again makes me miss my brother so much. It relaxes me and forget what I am into but misses him and change the feeling into sadness of missing him. Sigh* cannot get everything in one shot ayt?. I almost tried posting in my account about tired of getting strong. Yet I deleted it. It shows signs of weakness I know and spread negativity online and to my friends news feed. So I thought not a good idea. My blog is my diary. And not everyone in my fb can see my blog. Not everyone will be interested anyway. That means I can still express my frustrations here. 

The Problem with a Monetized Blog

Once upon a time a not so writer writing this post enjoys reading blogs. Personal blogs that has real stories and real experiences. She loves blog hopping, truthfully commenting, knowing other bloggers life updates and adventures and learning from their experiences. But that was ONCE UPON A TIME.

As I am having difficulties managing my time being a first time mother and instant two children, my passion in reading other's blogs suddenly disappear. As I recognize upon reading their post becoming more and more of an advertisement. Of coarse I understand, I as well as I am also doing advertised post, but for some I read , no more life story related post. For the sense of earning, the essence of real blogging (I assumed knowing the authors) decreasing its quality. The feelings that used to be incorporated in every post becoming null. I felt sad for I have known some bloggers in the blogosphere whom used to blog to chronicle life experiences.  I am not enjoying reading some blogs anymore if in one glance I saw that it is a sponsored post. Also it so rare that you can see a real helpful link. Most of the links incorporated in a post were advertisement. I am not against advertising and earning thru blogs. Actually I am hoping and praying that my blogging life will be fruitful. The thing that I am concerned about is reading realistic articles. Wrap with emotions posts. I used to read numerous blogs that I've known for years a diary blogs but visiting their blog now is like visiting a newspaper on the net. So dull, emotion less, and more links and ads. I am happy for them , for that means lots of income, but I know I am not the only one who wants to read real stories from their blogs. Especially those blogs that were very helpful such as parenting blog, tips and how to's etc. I guess this is one big disadvantages of bloggers having a Facebook account. They do not write on their blogs to share anymore instead post it on their Facebook account.*sigh*

Setting Up Topics to Write

I am one of those bloggers who suffer writers block. The thing is I felt like it happened most of the time to me. But whenever I am not in front of the computer, I think and have in mind a lot of topics to write and to share. Formulating my own management on my condition (pertaining to writer's block thingy). I decided to make a list of topics that pops up on my mind. I may never know where and what blog for it to categorize but just keep on writing such titles and topic description is a big help. Still I am having a hard time staying in the computer because of my 21 month old daughter but borrowing mom's tablet phone, helps me to write down what I needed and continues it when my baby's asleep. I am into monetizing my blog but more than that as the main reason I have blogs is to chronicle our life, adventures and misadventures. Earning is a big bonus for me in blogging which is I am much thankful about. Recently I've got to enjoy reading archives of my blogs. It made me laugh, reminisce, sometimes saddened and recall what were the things I should be thankful for today. I also found out that I am getting more and more better in writing. Heehee. Though my blogs sometimes took so long before I update it, it only means my daughter has more time on the computer than me. ;D

Hope This Will Last the Soonest

As part of the process of pregnancy regarding hormone level changes, I am suffering a something unusual (for me) symptoms. I am well informed and understood about this but still can't help but complain especially I am seeing my skin being tortured as wounds making my skin ugly. Besides this is my second pregnancy that I didn't suffer on my first. That's why I have lots of questions in my mind on where did I am lack of. Ironically though I know such facts still I questioned. Funny how I master my subject in college in particular with maternal and child and now that I am in the that stage I am having a hard time believing theories. Maybe I am just in denial and thinking that I might be exempted. heehee. But I am hoping this little rashes turned to wounds will heal the soonest. I am doing everything natural I can to treat it and reduced the damage into my skin. Also the fact that I am already an adult, wound scar will not vanish by itself at all and I need to exert a lot of effort to bring back the clean skin I used to have. As I kid into others, I don't have that super pretty face nor charm and even  a fair glowing skin that everyone can appreciate once I am seen but the only external features to be noticed is my clean brown skin. Now that it wasn't that clean, I felt like all my confidence turned to its lowest level and I am having a hard time working with the confidence itself if I am seeing such glitch around my legs. Everybody around cheering me up for it will vanish once I gave birth. I understand indeed it will but the marks won't. (sigh). Anyway I still can managed just as long as I am thinking that this ugliness is in exchange of a healthy gorgeous and lovable baby coming out by September.

Tigers love to tug on purple ducks

Little Blesings to Be Thankful

It's  just  weeks ago since I said I will be back writing. Some circumstances unexpectedly arises and my again nth time promise of being active to blogging again slowly get blurred. This is when I encounter a rocky road on my life's journey. As much as I wanted I don't want to write a negative thoughts on all of my blogs. I want to share good things, positive mantra and happy stories. This ain't pretending, I just believe that some petty problems need not to be broadcasted. Perhaps there were also times that I am overwhelmed with joy and I can not think enough what to write to share it. Well I now believe that I am a very complicated girl. Lucky me I have my very kind hubby.
Going back, despite petty little issues, I am so much thankful for the little blessings I received especially in my blogging career (do I have one eh? :D ).   It's been so long that my blogs being left idle and just recently that I decided to bring back it's life. I  wrote few posts and seeing it ranking to PR 1 (ALL of my blogs except for the health blog I Care) that fast after reviving from death is a very very good news for me. At least it gave me hope that I can still bring back my blogs status, their life before I get busy with  my little master. It maybe a little and not so special news for others but for me, it's some kind of a big door opening for opportunities that's how I see it.

Starting to Basic

The day this blog was missing is one big day of realization to me. I once thought I should decide to quit blogging since it ate lots of my time and supposedly my rests. But what had happened  lead me to a lesson that makes me realize, I can't stop blogging at all. It really saddened me knowing my blog has been removed. I tried to console myself saying that everything happens for a reason and let go of it, yet the feeling and the depression I've been through for days is a no joke. As husband saw it and my little angel felt it too. I am that sad. It affects my online life too (pertains to Facebook). Got no urge of using the internet and checking online accounts and even mails. That's why it really makes me alive again when finally blogger decided to bring it back live. Today I understand that the reason behind it is never take for granted even those stuff that made me happy. Truth that you will never feel it's importance if it isn't gone yet. And these blogs serves as my babies too. They make me happy, once completes me and once cheered  me up  when I felt down. 
Now though I am starting to basic again, got no regrets about it. These blogs (all of them) once provides me money. Though today it wasn't in the state that it can give me some earnings, I will not let them down, I am ready to start from the basic to gain again friends, page rank and opportunities to make it a lively blog again. For now I will start it to make a diary like it has before. 

And they share to my happiness

Innovations from Radiall

"In the world we're living only the constant thing is CHANGE"

This isn't a new quote anyway but I love reading and seeing this everywhere. This reminds me how fast everything happens for everyday. In a blink of an eye everything change. That's how fast our life generates and technology innovates today.
Like everything else, Radiall doing it's best to be at the same paced as where technology does. Not only as their launch a new more friendly user website does but all of  the products and services they offer. Radiall is a global leader in design, development and manufacturing of RF coaxial connectors, antennas, microwave components, fiber optic and multipin connectors. They offer an extensive range of interconnect solutions that supports the most demanding applications in telecommunications, aerospace, space, defense, automotive, industrial, medical and instrumentation. When I was still in college I used to surf the net finding relevant information about technology in the medical field.  As I remember I stumbled at www.radiall.com exactly the time I have been checking about Magnetic Resonance Imaging. As a person part of the medical team, not solely taking care of patients is our main vision. We also ensure that machines we used in doing so is in excellent and great components that will help us minimize labor yet provide to focus in supreme quality care. This is where I have known about radiall and it's function in a medical field. 

Thursday Goodness

I started simple work outs just today. True that it really shakes my knees though it was just simple stretching and mild exercises. Now I am a bit amazed on myself how my body works before when I was a football player. What I just did this morning is a very simple compared to what we used to do in practice way back college days. I have this goal in mind that I will be back playing my first love and even share it soon to my little cow girl. Soccer. In order for me to be back in the field, I need first to loose weight, regain old skills and agility. I am not promising but as much as I want, I will avoid vices. ^_^ WISH MYSELF MUCH OF LUCK! hee hee. And the sooner I can say yes to a former team mates invitation for a MILO Football Cup.  Changing my routine for the better. Good bye lazy and lax days. Now wake up early, do the exercise and stretching, biking and a little game practice. Religiously doing these routine starting today and the following days. :)

Caught Between Practicality and Devotion

This blogspot blog has been published for five years. Literally I have been writing here for five years. Just recently some time in February I decided to bought a domain for this blog. I never imagined it could be that hard leaving the blogspot blog that I am used to for years. I thought it was just simple. The transferring process is really simple and all the technicalities . But the moment I thought that I already fixed all problems, just as the time I am realizing that problem from transferring to a custom domain is just arising. It's all about the monetizing factor. The current advertiser on this blogspot blog seems like do not want a change. All my reviews and advertisers sending me an email regarding on the changes that happened. I am now, just as this moment, deciding what to do with this problem. I don't want to loose the tim sykes and other advertisers that giving me moolah in this blogging thingy. I know what to do but I am confuse in between because I really want this blog to have it's own domain but I don't want t loose the opportunities of earning online. I am caught between practicality and devotion. Devotion to my blogging personal diary and practicality of additional earning I can ave if I choose wisely.

A Scary Trend

After days of not opening nor using computer and watching tv to avoid "binat" from giving birth, I was so shocked just as I opened my accounts. I've read statuses of condolences to 2 dear friends whom lost their love ones. One was my  former office mate's boyfriend  whom I've known a little yet very dear to me. Another one is the husband of my college friend. I was so saddened of these news, gave me a thought of is this trending?!. Like networking sites nowadays who has trend topics, crimes with trending ways,etc now even tragic and tragedy's is trending.What's happening nowadays. I am in no position to ask why, I am just saddened of what's happening. Who will not be. I know God has better plans. 

My former office mate who lost his boyfriend by a shocking tragedy which was also aired in the news.

For the latest Philippine news stories and videos, visit GMANews.TV

My colleagues husband's death is still unknown to me, just one of our colleagues told me. They still have young children.  One at the age of three and the other one is months old. I pray for my friends to be strong enough in this phase of their lives.

Dear friends our condolences and prayers were with you and your loved ones who finally join in God's temple. Be strong and strengthen faith to Him despite of this circumstances.

Soon to be Unemployed

It was a sad news yesterday when huny shared it to me. That in two months time he will be unemployed as per the company announces for the administration staff but the agents will be unemployed at the end of the month. The company declared a bankruptcy. It was somehow as expected by hubby since he most of the time arranged the conference room recently from clients to their superiors and been hearing the secret rumors. It was not actually bankruptcy but a change in management but of coarse this will not be accepted by regular employees. As per hubby's observation the management only wanted to remove the people whom been working long but performance not so good, those that established clan in the company and those who have tons of dealfun.com complaints. So as there's no easy way to remove those kind of employees that the company decided to file a state of financial instability. Good thing hubby was prepared. Even before we got married last August, he already told me he will file his resignation letter. For he said and I know that company didn't deserve such good and loyal employees like him :D. They were not fairly benefited as per legalities stated. At first upon entering in the company as a probationary employee, he didn't felt the unfair benefits not until he got regularized. It took years before he decided to quit since he was fulfilled by his job. He love what he's doing and it his forte. Eventually as our needs increases now that were becoming three, he know he needs not only fulfillment but also benefits. So as he says that what currently happening in the company is just a blessing in disguise.

Customizing Wordpress Theme

Again I am not able to blog hop, I am not leaving home and actually most of the time in front of my computer. I am just so busy studying on how to customize wordpress theme. Recently I just received a gift from a friend that I really really love and praying for. After the wedding I am enthusiastic to earn in blogging again but in my frustration my domain blog has been idle because I had problem transferring it from one platform to another. That also interrupts my will to earn since that domain became my bread here in the blogosphere. And I didn't gave it up until I can make it working. Gladly I did with the help of my blogging mentor and her friend . After I fixed the domain transfer problem I got to focus then on the gift software. I need to learn everything about it so I can make designs and easily navigate my ever issue with wordpress designing. Just yesterday I finally made my first theme that I like. So far my dear friend Nene and Dell said it's good. A little more practice and I can do better I guess. I am full of tweaking codes with Blogger since I can easily figure it out after a lot of practice and for being here in five years and still , now I am extending my learning to wordpress. Hope I can master it like how I did in here.

I Feel the Dues

Earlier today, a man introduced himself as from the tax department, showing identifications and talking a lot. It didn't sink in in my still sleepy mind, since mom just woke me up.I just stare at him with a blank reaction on my face then he's done talking and left.That was 3 hours ago.That early for a visit.  Then just as now while typing this post, it sink in.  

Now that I am back at hand managing our small business, I can feel the pressure. A lot of dues in line to prioritize and be in time. Though sometimes it's jargon to my ear, those words associated with the taxes, fire department fees, business permit renewal etc. I need to be familiarize with all those issue related with the business. It's like that I'll be needing an irs extension guide how to understand more of our business taxes fees and necessities. Mom usually did it for us. She was used to it even before when we were young because she always had a small business. The last time she took care of it was two years ago wherein she fills in information for the irs extension form 2009. During that time the line of business was different from what we have today.It's her store that used to fund for our everyday living aside from my brother's monthly remittance to her. Now the same location, business was converted to a computer rental shop which is a proprietorship between my eldest brother and huny and I. Since mom is teaching me and forcing me (hihihi) to be responsible with our business, I have no choice but to learn it all. Besides, she said she must've been graduated with all the procedures since it was not hers. But still kind to offer sometimes provide help for me. She can't resist me, I know! hehehe

I Wanna Work - Out Again

I know some of my friends will raised their eyebrows upon reading my ym status. Yeah everyone knew that I am pregnant and my title wouldn't be that healthy for me. It was not the work out that means work out losing some pounds.I got you nurses friends.lol Now I have lots of private messages of sermons hihihi.. I love it, that means a lot cares for me. I am so tats.^_^ I love you all. 

Anyway back to my title, it's about working outside. I have been working at home since April and I am feeling bored. Yes I am earning at home but I am looking for more adventures outside and away home. I have been staying here first because of the very sensitive first trimester of pregnancy that I suffered, so Huny pushed me to stay with mom and look after the business instead. Now I am on my second trimester and everything seems to be so good that I now I will be able to work then. Still huny refuses and told me wait till I give birth. Companies that I applied already contacting me and requesting if I can report to their offices. I miss being an employee, meeting new friends, hanging out and shopping. I am missing the feeling of excitement every salary,bonus or incentive giveaway days. I remember when I was working in a financial account last year, all employees were excited when December approached. That means a lot of consumers will go gaga for inquiries regarding on how to file their taxes . Unlike here in the country, companies where the ones who files taxes for employees. In other country, it is the tax payer's responsibility to calculate for their own taxes. That's why outsourcing company that offers software that  helps to calculate taxes were in demand during this period. Like as what I mentioned here a little amount of help that a representative will provide regarding on e- file tax extension process will result to an immediate incentives on the representatives end. It is an on hand cash incentive that will be given at the end of the shift. In that case after shift is a shopping mode or food or liquor binging day. This is only one of the happenings that I missed working in a company. Though it was still good to be my own boss while working at home, I still wanted to have lots of friends to enjoy with.

What Kind of Guy

I am not a fanatic of American Idol. I often watch the movie or if I only had nothing to watched. These story was shared by my Huny. Though it has already spread to the world wild web and I am maybe the only one didn't know about this, I still wanted to post it here. The story of Chris Medina and his girl friend Juliana.
    It really made me teary eyed. I can say though Julie suffered most she still lucky having a faithful guy who never leaves her. I hope if Chris won he will not forget his promises and vows to Juliana. Miracle of love, I think as well pray that Juliana will be back on her old self soon. 

Happy Heart's Day Everyone!

 

Taking Risk Again

I am into plans of reviewing again for the local board. Though I am not quite sure when will I take this year but as early as today I am preparing myself especially emotionally to take risk again. Somehow it's not a risk since I am preparing for it but emotionally I can not take anymore failure if ever. But I want to think positive this time, after I received the letter from the Philippine Regulation Commission and fount out my score was great to be consider except for only one subject that took all to be failed. I am now reading reviewers again downloaded from different helpful sites. Some were needing a Java PDF reader. Good thing this software is available at my end and I am not having a hard time to find or install it.

I wish and pray that this year will be mine. I am so excited to work on my field. Though I didn't look like a caring person but my academics shows I am, including my patients and superiors as well. Oh just to share one thing, since I am always at the east lately where we used to have our duty when I was a student nurse, a coincidence that our neighbor in our new home is my old patient and she recognizes me. What a great feeling that she still recognize and keeps thanking me. She is a dengue patient last 2009 and I am the assigned nurse to her during that time. *happy*

A Letter from G

                                     

In the middle of my suffering from swollen eyes and face due to conjunctivitis, Though having a hard time reading this letter, I got to managed to capture, I am glad receiving this Adwords  Voucher but I am opt to use it. Though it was stated in the letter that it has no obligations thereafter using this voucher I am still doubted. Marketing strategy and I am into marketing wise.lol. I am afraid to risk since this involve money and credit card details. Said that this voucher cost 1500 up only til Sept. 30, 2010 since it's already October don't worry it was still valid but only cost less 500 until October 15, 2010. I don't know if this voucher can be transferrable but to those whom interested I am wiling to give it for free. Besides I've got nothing to use of it.

Taking Part

I joined the Parish Pastoral Council for Responsible Voting Organization to take part on the coming election. I have never been doing this ever since I became a registered voter. I am interested on politics but not on being part of it. I love discussions about politics but not involving myself too much. I have lots of opinions on my mind with regards to it but only few friends and family can heard me. Even before the Sangguniang Kabataan years a lot of parties in our place invites me to be part of but I beg to disagree to them  to complicate my active college life. Taking part for these years election is important for me. I am not quite sure if it is for real that the country will finally going to change but still a tiny space in my head and my heart hoping. Maybe I am thinking this way because I am thinking of being a future mom, for me and Huny soon beloved offspring. 


Funny to these place that the church can't even complete the numbers of volunteers wherein our parish has a lot of religious organization but unfortunately those organizations prefer to take part of the election with the parties who will give them money which is considered a vote buying way. That's how most but not all of religious people acts in our place. (dirty right?! that's what they are all through the years!)