Acceptance

Hi..just wants to post what is currently running on my mind.. Another realization came up on me. (am I really in the process of aging?lol. Why all of sudden I realizes a lot!c'mon!) I have to accept in my heart the place where I am. I mean after a long years of escaping unto this place I do have to accept it now. With understanding and learning to love. To be honest I never liked the place where we live. There are lots of reason why I keep to not stay too long in this place. Being part of the university journalist way back years I have already written my hatreds in my place in my column before and I am going list the same things I have wrote here. (may dugo kong activista dati and I am a frustrated political science student..hehehe)  

People around s*cks. They knew the word neighborhood if they can be benefited by that certain neighbors. All were backstabbers!Either you do good or bad it doesn't made sense! Those who are active in our church are also the same people active in discussing other people's lives. Majority of younger females actually teenagers are addicted in an easy money earning which is inclined in working in bars as GRO's . You can hear little girls dreams of working in Japan as an entertainer (not solely entertainer but with hidden agendas) to find a  d.o.m's to marry. Hearing that with their parents around surprisingly so supportive!A lot in here never believes in education!For them it's just a waste of money and time. Why would they have to send children even the least in high school (secondary education) if he or she can already have a work. Non sense perceptions! It's not poverty actually made them think that why! It is because they don't want(the parents). Most of the head of the families if not alcoholic they are gamblers and worst drug addicts.( Yikes! who would ever love a place like these?!) The mom's prefers to be active on a gossip org instead of doing such valuable stuffs. Livelihood has been offered nth times but none of here was interested. If someone in the community noticeably becoming successful, people around will fuss about it and intrigues bad vibes to that certain person. They always say it's hopeless although you can see as an individual that it's not but they just need to move by their selves. Also here in our place we are bound by corrupt baranggay officials. Maybe only few were not but majority was! It is also very common here as a form of business the vote buying during election season. It was so easy to run as a public official if the politician have enough budget to give away. I don't really know why people here enjoys to do illegal things than legals. There were some time that having mistress(panu pag lalaki? ah basta 3rd party) has been in.One more thing you can never put up a good business because you're "kind" neighbors will pull you down! Proven! Most of the real good people already gone.*sigh*

Above are all the reason that made me not love this place. When I was young I enjoyed staying here. Fresh air. Group of kids playing everyday but as I am growing I saw those facts. Observing our place. I always ask my mom why here? We could have lived near the schools (Reoyans Store in front of  Elem School)which was their first option. People there were hard working, motivated and always busy working not gossiping. Why not in other phases where people are more interested in making valuable things for the sake of their family. Why did Papa and Mama gave our lot at Taguig to Mama's sister instead of us living there? Why not in Makati where Mama grew up? Why not in Quiapo where Papa grew up? Why here? I keep bombarding Mama those questions. She said because here "this is our own. It is normal to have some misunderstanding with relatives but if we are far enough from them we cannot cause or be involved in those kind of  issues. We can have a better relationship with seeing them often. In here we can do what we want because we own it here and no one will reacts negatively. We are the superior of our own." Yet I decided not to like still. The culture of what I am observing becomes more and more severe as time goes by as I grew up actually! I love our house,our backyard, my friends in schools, my perks. Unfortunately as I grow I never had a good relationship with my childhood perks because of our views that never met , their negative ways on reaching their goals, I prefer to move a little, have some space. That's why after I graduated I prefer to study in Manila. To run away. To pursue my goals and to be different to them. Even though I have lived  of 10 different boarding houses on different cities in manila from the time I started studying in college until this year January as I have worked. From there I told to myself that if I will be given a big break to choose a place where will I spent my life the least I would think of is this place.Maybe our house but not the same community.

Then just earlier realization came up. It's not eating what I hated but it's accepting because I can't do anything it just becoming a burden if I continues  to deny this place. I realize that I don't need to love the people, their culture here. It's enough that I respect them, simple hi and hello and leave it. I don't need to be a super friend, a super neighbor .As simple as it is. Though they keep on intriguing me, my life our family ...careless.. It will not hurt  us and even if it did  we can manage because we don't care on their irrational ideas! I am just too being emotional wanting a loving almost perfect community that's why it aches that I expect more of what I have.

Actually its just that I don't have a choice that's why I have to stay here but anyway I have to think of the positive way being here I formerly hates.!hehehe